Life as We Make It

A Young Boy’s Dilemma

There are certain questions that can trouble a young boy’s mind; questions he needs answered by an older, wiser, experienced man who can ease his mind and help him to make good decisions. That is why I was so glad The Needler was here the other day, doing what he called “responsible collegy things” which clearly could not be accomplished at The Bachelor Pad, where upon my last visit I was met by The Needler at the door waving his hands and physically pressing me backwards so that I could not cross the threshold.

Pokester had carefully laid out the following items:

What you see here is a Pokemon catalogue, and comb masquerading as a switch blade, and a “silver” chain from a grocery store gumball machine.

Looking to his older brother, he posed this Important Question: “In case of a Zombie Apocalypse, which one of these items would you choose to defend yourself with?” Now this is one of those Pokester questions that makes me want to put needles into my veins and gently slip away into a nice heroin haze. I never get the answer right. Never. And he will not let me off the hook but will hound me to provide an answer so that he can scoff at me. But not The Needler. He thoughtfully considered each item, picking them up, gently turning them in his hand, feeling them, popping open the switch blade comb, and then he asked “Can I light the Pokemon catalogue on fire?” Pokes thought about this. “I think you would have to stamp it out pretty quickly” he replied. “No, I would want to tear out each page and light them separately.” The Pokester accepted this condition, and The Needler chose the Pokemon catalogue, because evidently there is a sound theory that Zombies are afraid of fire. There was radiant approval from The Pokester. I did not have to begin my career as a Junkie. The Needler shone in a Great White Light of Wisdom and Bravery. I celebrated by having a(nother) glass of wine. Everybody wins!

Thanks, Needler. And I want to thank you also for stepping in to support me that time I had to “explain” that Pokes could not have one of his spelling word sentences be “I will spread Blood All Over The World.” That was Helpful.

Now, I must return to cleaning, as I have Honored Guests arriving this evening, and Texter was not able to remember to make the dining room table actually visible. And I have to make sure that I have light bulbs in the lamps this time so that my friends are not sitting around in the dark like last time. See – I am making progress! Sadly, none of the outside lights are working, so I may need to hire Pokes to stand out in the back and wave the old gas lantern to welcome our guests. And that way we could also be sure no Zombies slipped in.